DAN HOFFMAN: Grief can break your heart. Here's how to keep it from breaking your life
And so, on the day after their mom passed away, my sons went to school just as they had throughout Kim's fight against cancer, including her last few months in hospice. They expressed their sorrow with the help of a service dog and art therapy. They went to swim practice and played outside with their friends. They've never stopped doing the things that make kids' lives fun and meaningful.
Long before my wife was stricken with cancer, I learned that lesson about resilience while serving overseas with the CIA in a Middle East war zone. Upon returning late one night to our overseas field station from leave, I was informed at the airport that one of the CIA's most decorated, courageous and brilliant paramilitary officers had been killed in action. We held a memorial service and never stopped carrying in our hearts the grief over our loss. But we also got right back to our counterterrorism mission and honored our fallen colleague's memory by relentlessly taking the fight to the enemy as he would have wanted.
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And therein lies the meaning of the CIA's Memorial Wall in the lobby of the Original Headquarters Building. Every time I walked into CIA Headquarters, I would look up at the stars on the wall commemorating our fallen heroes and repeat the same ritual when I departed at the end of the day, always deep in thought about honoring the legacy of those we lost.
"White Room" is a must-see film, especially for anyone who has experienced loss over which they never had any control and suffered all the collateral damage.
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My sons and I miss our Kim every day. But together we have learned how to discover and build resilience in our broken hearts.
Do the work. Stay engaged. Don't run from your sadness. But let your grief shape how you honor the memory of the one you lost.
And remember you're not alone. Your loved one is with you, an angel on your shoulders.
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